salam
do tell "certian threads with certian persons in certian forums" its killing me
salam

salam sister
chasing you around these boards is soooo exhausting,why dont we suggest a board for us two insane female sadists ,as im finding it hard in my old age to keep up with you
salams and dua's

Salamaleykom

Aaawww..How cute          

salam
hajar
you know i only say these things to get you to write as you have a flair of writting thats sweet, knowledgable and precise, but with a little bit of poison thrown in tee hee
I never said it was not halal  to remarry,i just said my personal opinion is id rather not,and spend more not in worship
as to age
im 43,with six children 25/23/20/16/3/1 /years of age
and one grandaughter who is one year old.one husband who is ancient well compared to yours
salam sis
stay safe

ps
Omhussien dont be so nosey tee hee

Salamaleykom

The poll is for laughs,with a touch of seriousness though
Should have been more choises...  

Salamaleykom

Well,honestly,I must say I like my sickness,then..
Hehe,this would be something for the european feminists..      They would go crazy on me
Like I care the least...        

Anyway,cant help it,I like a man who is rough.Those men always measuring what they do as not to violate the 'equality' issue,just makes me laugh.It has to be a difference between men and women.
For me,the man should be the authority.And it should be visible,not just in his mind.
I am pretty strong my self,and with a normaly nice,compassionte man,I would just turn on him.I tend to be not nice to such men.I'm sorry,but thats me...
Strange is my husband isnt a 'caveman',though... He is far to nice to me.He wasnt always like that,but changed alot over the years.But he is used to me,though... I guess thats why puts up with me...  
Me and my big mouth...  

Feemallah
OmHussein

Salamaleykom

I've had a couple of clashes at another board... which I deep down enjoy   .Still certain ignorant people over there makes me furious sometimes...  

Feemallah
OmHussein

Salamaleykom

lol... that was you? I thought it was more commercial stuff amd was going to delete it...  
But,I didnt...

Feemallah
OmHussein

Salamaleykom

Iman!!    You know what???
We are on our board right now!! Gosh...        

Aminah,a bit confused here?  
Hey,whats wrong with my caveman,then??      

Feemallah
OmHussein

salam
sister hajar

You baby snatcher

so why do you want another model when you already have one as to age you go first,then ill consider exposing my twilight age ,me personally after reaching such old age, as you did sis ! and spending my youth married , i would not even contemplate another marriage to young or old,Single would be good,spend more time worshiping Allah(swt),    
salams and dua's
stay safe  

ps
i just know you are going to give a very verbal reply to me,tee hee    

Salaam alaikum,

I have to say that we haven't run into any age difference related problems yet.   I don't know what will happen in the future, but so far everything is ok.

Honestly, I have to say that from my experiences, I think this marriage is better for me.  Like my other husband, who was a few years older than me, acted like he knew everything and I was some kind of kid whose opinions weren't reliable.  He had this attitude that women, even intelligent women were not much different than children. He would freely admit that I was more intelligent in academic matters than he was, but he believed that all women's intelligence was hampered by their emotionalism. He would base this idea on hadiths that I don't believe he ever read the explanations for.   He never took my advice, eventhough he saw that many time his not following my advice led to problems. Kind of a macho thing I guess.  But my present husband will ask my advice about things, and he actually listens and follows my advice.  He respects the fact that I know more about some things than he does, and isn't threatened by this.  I don't think this is so much because I am older than him, but because the generation he grew up in, tends to recognize equality between the sexes more.

Salaam alaikum,

Am I younger than you?  How old are you?  

As for the model.  Hey men have been rejecting older widows and divorcees for eons.  I think it's our turn.

Of course I think it depends on your stage of life.  I would have gone for the reasonable one when I was younger.

OmHussein,  

as salamu alaikum sisters

mashallaht his topic really has gottenf ar!!  sorry for not replying i went away fro a few days so haven't been online to see messages or reply.

i'd go for the model also but it'd have to be an intelligent model cause a guy that's just good looking with ntohing else is jsut dull!!!  it's like a new settee u get and it's beutiufl and it looks good for a while then u get sick of it and want to replace it!!  



two granmothers amshallah

amina

Salaam alaikum,

Can't we have a mixture of all the above?

salam
I suffer too from the big mouth problem but i am slowly getting it under control,i just dont want to be raised on the day of judgement as a donkey/human
and i doooooooo like the idea that if i keep my mouth closed,the Angels(as) will argue on my behalf, as they are perfect and without sin,there is no better helper than them to win an argument
I do have a DOMINANT IM IN CHRGE HUSBAND (its a man thing you know) testosterone i think its called
Because im of the same nature as him,its been a wonderful relationship,but as im slowely obeying Allah(swt) to close the mouth,he is becoming perturbed    he does not know how to handel this obiediant wife which mans nature being as it is ,what he cant understand or control he rages more tee hee yes i know im sadistic    
in seriousness though,i dont want him raised as a donkey/human either,so hopefully my example(which faulters at times) will rub off
As to being married to a quiet calm responsive husband,well in all honesty yes it would be boring
I think even though we jest allot this sought of discussion is good as it makes us look at ourselves more indeapth,
salams and dua's
stay safe

salam
no dear sister  you just corrupt my angelic nature
whats killing me is whats the name of the board,and topic that so enraged you,
ps
did you recieve my e-mail
salams and dua's
stay safe

as salamu alaikum

i don't know what to choose!!!

so i was thinking book worm.....but it hoguht it might get too dull....
caveman!!  om husseins favourite!!  hmmm....being pulled by the hair isn't my idea of the ideal life aprtner!!!

passionate........don't think so.....too much can make u sick!!

rich?? ....hmmmm.......maybe but i don't like tot hink of msyelf as shallow!!

i don't know!!  i guess reasonable is ok.....but it sounds so dull...

we really need a mixture of a few!!

if i could mix up my ideal partner....he would be clever, talks well....has to ahve a nice voice...don't ask i have a thing with people have nice sounding voices it irritates me if they don't...hmmmmm.....what else....he'd have to be reasonable i guess....and toguh at the same time..not caveman tought but medreately!!  my spelling is getting worse!  someone whose loving but not sickening with it!  not sensitive....and not romantic....practical....but not allt he time!!  ok enough!!  i don't even know how i would want my ideal man!!



Amina!!

salam sis!
read all the post's bye the way i cant get into thier discussion group,am i banned too ill denounce the chickens if i have too
sis ! i love the jihad bit!  join the club

you obviously think along the same lines as I
are you a member of shiatalk sis!?
speak soon
salams and dua's
stay safe

Salaam alaikum,

Well if we only get to choose one.  I vote for the model.  I don't like the cave men, cause I think it shows an insecurity on their part.  The others well, yawn.  At my age, I think it's time to enjoy life a bit.  So I'll take the model.  LOL

Salamaleykom

Reasonable...blablabla.... why does it always have to be so darn stiff ?!?!
I still dont get what you need that baby-face for...  

Feemallah
OmHussein

Salaam alaikum,

You baby snatcher

I wonder if people thought that when Khadija married Mohammad(pbuh&hp).  I'm just following the Sunnah.  

so why do you want another model when you already have one

Well I didn't say I wanted another one.  Sheesh, one is enough!  The title of the thread is "The Idea Lifepartner, what do you look for.".  I just gave my ideas on what my ideal partner would be/is at my stage of life.  I didn't think that the other Sisters were looking for another husband.  Is that the case?

me personally after reaching such old age, as you did sis ! and spending my youth married , i would not even contemplate another marriage to young or old,Single would be good,spend more time worshiping Allah(swt)

Well it's up to you, but marriage is preferable.  It's mustahab for women to remarry when they divorce or are widowed.  Marriage is a worship act, if you consider that it is sanctioned by Allah.  Besides, if I hadn't remarried, there would be one less Muslim in the world today. I think my last son is happy to be here.  I know my dh is thrilled at having a son. He always wanted one, and now he has one that looks and acts just like him.

I'm 47 now and hubby will be 33 in a few days.

WaSalaam, Hajar

salam

so sis we are a couple of gran ma's nice
salam stay safe

salams sisters,

sister iman....interesting concept.....although my husband is perfect the way he is....no defects.... *she says dreaming*!!!!

as for remarrying once the first marriage is over....we were actually discussing this the other day....and most of the women said they wouldn't remarry if they were widowed of divorced...me on the other hand would...i don't know whether that has anything to do with my age....and the fact i have no children yet...but i would remarry esepecially if i was younger than 40 yrs old i just think i'd be lonely if i didn't.....sad.....sad...sad....i know.......sister om hussein i don't think i'd do so great int he feminist movement either....

amina

Salamaleykom

sorry,the options on the polls dont work that way... You have to settle with 1 quality in a man    
What was your choice?
As you probably already figured out,I prefer the caveman that will drag me by the hair into the kitchen when he is hungry..   !!!

(I all of a sudden realized how sick that sounded...gosh!   )

Salamaleykom

Agree,its good to read ones own words,and see a bit of how one really looks like...
I have a big mouth,but I am not the person who indulges in sarcasme or illogical comments to provoce.

(Exept when it comes to certain threads on certain forums with certain persons...   )

My husband gets annoyed when we are having a discussion,I dont give up for the sake of peace.He calls me 'kurdieh'...

Although, a couple of his friends calls from time to time to talk with me.They seem to think it is refreshing to discuss with me.But,then again,they dont know me all that well...  
The funniest thing... if he has friends over and they start to talk politics in front of me... his facial expressions...  
Cracks me up!!  
He doesnt mind,though.He says he appreciate the fact that I use my own mind,and that he doesnt have to worry about me all the time.Dont think I've ever seen any signs of jealousy in him...
Many wonder how he can just let me run my own agenda like this,and they think he has no control over me.But it comes down to trust and honesty.He knows me,that he can trust me,so why should he check everything I say and do...

Now I'm going of topic here...

Back on track....
I dont like the idea of controling someone.I would go nuts and become nasty if my husband would follow me around,or decide where I should go and who I should or should not talk to . But I am super responsible and super nice if I get some decent respect...

I'm kind of stuck in some patterns,and I cant get rid of them... since I dont want too....

Feemallah
OmHussein

killing you?what is?me??

         

Salamaleykom

I forgot,Sister Iman,you wanted to know what annoyed me... Well,what annoys me is this,this,and this among a few other 'items'...
Some of these guys are old members here...

Feemallah
OmHussein

Salaam alaikum,

Reasonable means that he is not extreme and has good judgement.   So this is not stiff, stiff would be unreasonable.  Like men that do what they want and don't consider their wives feelings.

I still dont get what you need that baby-face for...  

Hmm, well let me try and explain.  When I got divorced I was in my late 30's.  After some time I got some offers of marriage.  Most of them were older than me.  They were all nice and appeared to be good Muslims.  But they were old and wrinkled.  They didn't appeal to me physically.  It's one thing to grow old with someone, but to start out with an old guy is something else.  So I didn't get married.  Then when I was 41 my husband came.  He was just as nice and as good a Muslim as the others, but he was also young and nice looking. At first I thought he was too young, he was only 27 then.  But I saw his thinking was mature for his age,  so after a while I accepted to marry him.  Now I am used to being married to someone younger than me and good looking.  I don't think I could accept anything else now.  That's why I say at my age, I would take the model.  Most models are young and good looking.  Does this make sense?

WaSalaam, Hajar

Salamaleykom

Always wondered how that works,when the woman is older then the man.Hajar,your husband is 14 years younger then you... Dont you meet any age differences along the way?

Feemallah

salam
shame sister shame ! the model

as to your age.wait to you get to the twilight years like me
salams and dua's
stay safe

Salaam alaikum,

I have a one year old granddaughter too. I have 5 children, the eldest is 27 and the youngest is 4.

I didn't say you said it was haraam to remarry.  Just pointed out that remarriage is mustahab in Islam.  

If a woman really wants to remain single, it's not haraam.  Unfortunately, some cultures are so against women remarrying, that there is no chance for them to get married again.  This is sad and an oppression of women that has nothing to do with Islam.  All of Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh&hp) wives were either widowed or divorced, except for Aesha.

salam

Im going to be a prude here sisters.
I have read that if you start looking for qualities that you would like in a man, then you will start seeing the defects in the man that you have ?
salam

salam
Sick yes but at least your honest i picked reasonable,but i would im not!  so the partner has to be

In reality though (He) does not exist

salams and dua's
stay safe

salam
yes amina whats wrong with omhussiens cave man
and what about my mr reasonable boring???
just coz your undecisive no need to insult your sister muslims  choice tee hee
salams and dua's
stay safe

Salamaleykom

A model?? What you going to use him for??
Put him on top of the TV and stir at him?


Feemallah
OmHussein

Salamaleykom

These smooth looking guys arent much appealing to me.Cant help it,but I always think of butter when I see one

My mother-in-law has been alone since her husband died,almost 20 years now.My mom for almost 30.They have done just great alone  
There are women that just do not feel they can start over when one marriage is over for whatever reason,and there is nothing wrong with that.
But I do think that one who have small children should reconcider though.The children needs a male in the house too.

Feemallah

salam
i would not marry agian

after 26 years  thats enough
salam

Salam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

I didnt vote because my ideal one was not in the poll.
I want him to be mutaqqi, a mu'min..If somebody has the iman, he is reasonable enough because Islam is the religion of 'aql, he is romantic enough because Rasulullah (salla Allah alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) encouraged men to be kind with their wives and "macho" enough to have sense of gheerah, insha Allah Taala.

My ideal life-partner must read uran daily and must love the Aakhera and avoid the dunya. He should have beard because that is considered waajbib by most of the scholars (may Allah  bless them) and should be strong in his phisics also insha Allah in case he wants to defend the Ummah with his hands as well.

May Allah Taala bles sthe marriage of the married ones and grant pious spouses to the single sisters. Ameen.
Marriage means to fullfil half of the deen so we are encouraged, alhamdulillah.

'Abdus Samad bin Bashir quotes that a woman came to Imam Ja'far as-
Sadiq and said, "May God bless you; I am an ascetic woman."

The Imam: "What does asceticism mean to you?"

The woman: "It means that I will never marry."

The Imam: "Why?"

The woman: "By practicing asceticism, I want to acquire favor (of
God)."

The Imam: "Go away! If asceticism was a means of acquiring favor (of
God), then Fatimah would have been more entitled to it than you
because none can gain more favor [in the eyes of Allah] than her."
(Wasa'il, Vol. 14, p. 117-118)


Wassalam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

Quote

Im going to be a prude here sisters. I have read that if you start looking for qualities that you would like in a man, then you will start seeing the defects in the man that you have ?

Salaam alaikum,

Well since my perfect one matches the husband I have, I don't think I'll have that problem. lol

As for remarrying.  I would do it again, why not?  Who wants to be alone.

On that note:  My great uncle lost his wife when he was around 80.   She died from complications with her diabetes.  Then a couple of years later, he went to a funeral of one of his friends who had died.  While there he saw a woman that he had gone to school with when he was a kid.  She was widowed.  Well they got to talking, then visiting one another, next thing we knew they got married.  We all thought it was sweet.

WaSalaam, Hajar

salam

well i dont think ill be able to even climb the stairs at 80.. never mind marrying

but thats sweet....
i cant see the attraction to keep marrying, ,mind you in saying that... divorcee's i can understand...but we all have our personal preferences ....mines................ ..me me me
and the hoard of ...children iv accumilated  

salams and duas